non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
