If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
