It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
