do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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