just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
