she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
