After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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