I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The beer is more important than you right now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
