I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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