Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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