so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
