it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
