So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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