I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
