True but thats because hes a fetus.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize