the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
