Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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