I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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