you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
