I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
