My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize