Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.