I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
