we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
