I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
