Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
