Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
