I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
