I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
