A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
