Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will pee on everything he values.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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