Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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