i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
