So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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