Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
