The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
