I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
