If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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