I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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