Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
