something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
