apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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