operation harelip BJ is a go
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
