thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
