If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
