sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
