Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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