dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
