Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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