i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
