ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
