I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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