can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
