her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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