holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
