3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
