$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy