i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism