Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.