i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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