hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
