He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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