Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
