there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
