Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
