She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
