This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
