If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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