My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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