there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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