see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
