that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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