Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
