I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
