R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
