Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
