Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
