no, he came in my armpit
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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