I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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