I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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