Where did you get a picture of my penis
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
