What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Houston, we have a blender
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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