sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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