flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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