She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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